ENM is a term which encompasses so many shades. Usually it is a term we associate with couples, but what does one do when the pain of loss suddenly ebbs away from an individual whose relationship has come to a tragic end? When your head and heart still misses your person so deeply, but your body and other more primitive parts of your brain have decided that you need physical touch and emotional intimacy?
How do you navigate the guilt felt because you are having these feelings, coupled with the uncertainty that anyone will ever want you again, and the certainty that you won’t know what to do if they do?
We all go through something.
This is something I have faced since 2022, and have tried so hard to navigate through with the guidance of grief therapy and conscious self-examination.
A lifetime spent with one man. Our lives so enmeshed because of our working together in the same business, growing our dreams as a team, taking life-chances and supporting each other in our whims, fantasies, and wildly adventurous projects and schemes that brought us immense happiness and creative growth- all led me to a dependency on closeness that I was not aware of.
“I’m not sure it has to be one person.”
The Need for Connectedness.
As I step into this new chapter of my life, and I find myself desiring companionship and intimacy, I can’t imagine any one person being able to fill that void fully. I am not trying to replace my person. I am however used to a certain structure of a relationship that included constant contact.
I have come to understand that many people don’t have the desire for this level of connectedness. I also don’t think I want that level of interactivity from one person- and my perception is that no single person will want to be connected on that level, even if it develops over time.
Time is my enemy, because my need to feel some connection on that level is: now. And, my realization is: I am not sure it has to be one person.
So what does one do with that thought? The thought that it’s ok and even desirable to not need just one person? Allowing yourself to explore the idea that you might have several very rewarding relationships to fill your days and evenings, and your needs, for different types of mental and physical interaction in your life, without it having to be just one person? The thought that your own need for an a bounty of interaction might be a lot easier on your chosen person- if it were chosen people instead.
“Does it diminish the quality of your time spent together, if you are not only committed to one person?”
Ethical Non-Monogamy
We live in a world where the term ENM (Ethically Non-Monogamous) is thrown about to cover a whole host of situations, most often associated with marriages where the physical has broken down while the emotional relationship has remained strong, and the couple wants each other to be fulfilled and so an ‘arrangement’ filled with respect and love has been forged in which certain pleasures are allowed to be sought outside the traditionally defined marriage.
But how many people are also engaged in this type of relationship who are not married? People who made an intentional decision to address their own needs in an ethical and honest way? People who are still open to seeing if someone special just drops into their world, but who are taking care of their own needs first?
As important as realizing what you need, is realizing what your partner(s) needs to be fulfilled. Can you find a selection of partners to satisfy your life-needs, who each understand that alone, they are not enough. Partners who are comfortable with that thought?
Is this a new and acceptable form of a ‘relationship’ which will work for everyone involved?
Figuring out if this is right for you.
For you, does it diminish the quality of your time spent together, if you are not only committed to one person?
I have struggled with this concept, and have found myself coming in on the side of ENM in its most empathetic shade, not just because it suits my needs – which is of course very important! – but because in a world where we can order any food, any type of pet, any type of personalized piece of craftsmanship, why would we suddenly stop when we get to the most important thing to us: our intimate relationships which feed our soul.
If I am honest with people about my situation, my needs, my desire, my time availability – and they are honest with me – then why would this be any more likely to end in heartbreak for either party than a ‘regular’ relationship as they have been defined in the past?
The Question:
What is the most popular vibrator you sell? What makes it special?
The Answer:
The most popular is the Monarch Swan. It is a rabbit which has suction, tongue action, and a strong vibration. It has some size, so you should see it in person, instead of buying online (you can view and hold it in our shop).
The best part is how it changes from a C-shape to an S-shape: basically from a rabbit to a curvy vibrator.
The suction is strong enough to hang it from your palm.
The tongue, which can join the suction or operate solo, has multiple speeds.
And the vibrator end can be used internally, or for clitoral stimulation.
It is a great personal and couple’s toy.
