Some people just love to hate. They will take the opposing view on everything, just because. Then there are experiences which lead us to hate. Repeatedly experiencing disappointment ranks high on that scale.
Apps bring a bunch of both types to the ‘hate-table’.
I am going to make a case today for loving dating and hook-up apps.
Do you love amusement parks? Magic shows? Theater? Movies? Porn?
If you love any of the above, you may enjoy following me down this particular rabbit hole.
If you are not in search of a serious relationship (or even if you are, but would also like to sample life’s candy on the way, just to keep yourself joyful), you can look at apps as live theater; the best type of sitcom, the most fun cocktail party.
“We can have little bubbles of intimacy with friends…”
How do we begin?
Start with accepting that on some level, we can all enjoy pleasure of intimacy without having a defined commitment; we can have little bubbles of intimacy with friends who understand that we both live busy lives, and yet would like to escape the real world for a short time. Finding those people who also fit our tastes in sexuality can be a fun scavenger hunt.
Which App?
While there are so many different dating apps for every interest, scrolling through people to find someone who likes what you like physically can begin on apps like Feeld, Tinder, Grindr, to name only a few. Finding a candidate pool which appeals to you is very similar to scrolling through porn clips to find exactly that right clip of visual/auditory action that makes you groan with pleasure and removes your head from your everyday mental checklist-making, obsessing and calculating your to-do list.
The chatting begins.
To connect, you need to chat. Chatting via text sets a sexy or intimate tone and can be a salacious bit of interactive porn to see if this clip (this potential hook up) is really what you might like in the real world. Do you react instinctively to that smile? Does their chat-game seem to be what gets you off, makes you tingly, leaves you wanting the orgasm it can give you, with no regrets at all about its content, character or vibe? This can go on for days in order to savor the playfulness, and also to make sure this person is the right one for you, feels safe, and understands the parameters of what is being engaged in. No commitment, just a respectful enjoyment of a person’s time.
“A very special coffee date…”
Now it’s time to meet the player in your game.
A special kind of coffee date. An hour to see if you are fit for each other, if there is any chemistry, and no red flags. It’s important to see if there is any chemistry. This part is so critical because it is what keeps it from being completely impersonal (unless that’s your kink, and then good-on-ya!).
Allowing it to feel like a mini-relationship in a bubble of joy away from the real world is what makes it a genuinely special connection.
Retreating to your corners.
Returning to your own homes after coffee means you get to pause to make sure you wish to make another date. Sleeping on it. Continuing the conversation. OK, you can skip this step (and we have!), but you do have the option to think it over if that is your speed.
The deliciously wonderful sex-date.
Plan something wonderful, even if simple. Talk about what you two (or three) like to do, outline what hotness would really turn you on, and be sure to define your no-go list, just so you have the best, most care-free experience possible. The goal is to want to go back for more, even if in limited quantities!
“It’s live porn at its best, or a never-ending cocktail party with benefits.”
Making more plans.
“That was nice. What do your Tuesdays look like, going forward?” A simple question which makes it clear that you enjoyed your time with your new friend, so much so that you would love a repeat, but with boundaries. Tuesdays. Very clearly not an invitation to leave a toothbrush, or ask you to a movie on a Friday. Just a desire to revisit the joy, in a way which fits your schedule.
Adding friends.
With caution, protection, and clear communication, you can add friends who are like-minded. You are using the apps to make a connection which makes you happy, brightens up your week like a visit to an amusement park, or a good movie; activating your endorphins, and working your body out in a most delightful cardiovascular way. You can write your own script with your newly-found friend. You can design your fun. It’s live porn at its best, or a never-ending cocktail party with benefits.
Some dates are perfect, some are funny, and some are so disappointing that you will be telling all your friends what a shit-show it was. But that, too, might bring you laughs at the human side of life which is always dishing us the unexpected.
Enjoy. Don’t hate it.
The Question:
I am new to anal play and I don’t know what toys to start with. Recommendations?
The Answer:
I always recommend a trying a training set. Typically these sets come in 3’s, with a small, slightly larger, then moderately large anal plug.
You can choose your preferred shape of the insertable part, as well as how you want the external part to feel. Heart-shaped is cute, but one that follows the crease of your butt cheeks may initially be more comfortable.
The thing to look for when you are starting out is a skinny ‘neck’. Your ass naturally wishes to close, and to allow it to close around a skinny neck (in contrast to the plug itself), will offer you comfort, and the ability to easily hold it in.
Also consider the material. Do you wish to use silicone lube? Then go with metal or glass.
Silicone toys should use water-based lube, or an approved hybrid.
Finally, maybe a little reward for all your hard training? The Anal Adventures set shown above offers vibration (with remote control) in it’s final size. A little something extra you may like.
We carry these in the shop – come in any time to see them on display before you purchase.
