Why Not Start With Your Truth?
The dating app Feeld is unusual.
What if you could know that the person you are dating was into the same kind of sexual vibe that you are? What if you were picking from a pool of people who shared your style, your level of adventurousness, love to press the buttons that set you on fire, especially the kinks you don’t normally disclose to people until you have been dating for a while?
Could there be a tool just for you, if you are on a path of exploration and want to find just the right curated experiences that will elevate your self-discovery?
Perhaps you are getting back into dating and you want to reconnect on a limited basis but don’t want to do the dance with people who will never get you? You already know what it’s like to be with someone who doesn’t totally do it for you- and you have chosen to leave that behind. Maybe your last relationship died in the bedroom, which then slowly killed it off fully? You want to fish from a pool of people who love to do in the bedroom what you love to do in the bedroom!
If these things spark something in you, then Feeld might be your app.
First of all, it was the second app I joined. I needed Google to figure out what all the options were for describing myself and for whom I may be looking. GOOD on Feeld! Made me think! So, computer open, phone in hand, I dove in. I was fascinated by the questions, willing to be honest, and comfortable being in the ‘no judgment zone’ that you feel when on this app.
Then I started poking around, and was amazed! People were even more specific than I had been and had written thoughtful profiles that really allowed me to feel their spirit, desires, friendliness and yet real-world discretion. So I went back and tweaked mine to be even more reflective of my personality, and to ask for what I was looking for: a friend for a few days a week, who didn’t leave their stuff at my apartment, had no family complications, loved to laugh in bed, and would not be seeking to enter my life any further.
“These experiences were designed to push my boundaries…”
Being a widow, this was all I had the tolerance for. Feeld encouraged users to sign up with a fake name, and so I wasn’t even known as myself. It was a safe, slightly less-pressured way to re-enter the world of sexuality, with new experiences that did not remind me of my loss. These experiences were designed to push my boundaries, keeping me focused on the excitement of new pleasure as a way of returning to the land of the living.
I had explored every option and talked about this with my grief therapist. I was very worried about the ‘first time’. Would I find some reason to back out? If I made it up to bat, would I cry? Would I want to stop and leave? Would it be impossible to relax and enjoy it? Even for an app-date, it would seem cruel to put some nice man through this – traumatizing for him, forcing him to seek counseling of his own as a victim of my healing! I joke a bit, but I care about people and it did concern me enough that I investigated a sexual surrogate to help me in a more clinical way to get over the hump of accepting new dick. Yup – that’s what it comes down to. And I thought a professional would be able to help me over the hurdle. But, alas, it seems that those services are only available from men to gay men or folks transitioning. Nothing really there for a widow whose chemicals are now screaming loudly for sex, but whose heart doesn’t know if she can stand to be touched by one who is not her one love since the age of 20. Failing in this attempt as well, I opened myself to being with women and couples because at least it wouldn’t remind me of my husband, and the sex would be very different. So I re-wrote my profile again, and it yielded exactly what I was looking for! Adventure!
Sharing a way to heal.
Why am I sharing this personal journey? Because I run into so many people who hate apps, and then we talk, and they admit that they don’t use apps in this way. They seem to use all apps like they would engage in historically normal dating, or view the apps as ‘hookup’, whereas at this moment, I use them as a way to design an amusement park of experiences for myself which will open me up to finding out what I really want over the remainder of my life.
I believe that meeting people through that path will yield a more satisfactory permanent relationship for me when I finally decide I am ready for that (if I ever do), primarily because I will know how to do the two most difficult things any of us can do: talk about ourselves honestly and ask for what we really want.
Overall satisfaction rating 1-10
Does the app connect me to the people or experiences I am seeking?
It did for me! I found lovely people who wanted exactly what I wanted. It started with the users being encouraged to be clear about what they wanted, and then once matched to another person, the conversation always seemed to be much more direct and ‘adult’ (?). Folks were wanting to talk things through ahead of time, making sure that boundaries were understood and respected. Planning of physical interactions was discussed extensively as a path to wanting to return for more. It almost felt like it was a badge of pride to be able to operate in this manner, with safety, boundaries, safe words, clear expectations, goals and even no-go lists that ensured a comfort zone, which allowed one to relax more. People are upfront about looking for one-night-stands (ONS) or short-term relationships, or just trying to add something they are craving to their already full and satisfying lives.
What types of relationships is the app typically used for?
You might think this is just a hookup site, and you can use it for that purpose. But what if it was also a way to find your forever-person? Or a way to discover if there are things you have not done, but would like to be exposed to in a way that leaves you wanting more?? That is all very hot! Imagine a life where you are so well suited physically, and suddenly you find your real-world life-goals aligned with someone with whom you share this incredible physical connection? A person who already respects all your needs in the bedroom and now has been dazzled by the amazing human you are out in the real world as well? What a full relationship that might be….
What is distinctive about this app? It’s the best feature?
Feeld is a judgment-free zone where you can express exactly who you are, write about what you love in your intimate life, and invite people who share your kinks, fetishes, pleasurable bedroom activities and sexual vibes to connect with you.
It geolocates you to connect you with people, but also lets you opt to function from within a ‘core’ that defines the pool from which you wish to fish.
(one drawback is that you can’t do just any city as a core… they have a limited selection of core-cities, so you may have to stay on the geo-location feature, which is also nice because there are new people to meet as you move about the world!)
Are people cool and does it feel like a safe space?
Interestingly, it really does. My experience has been that people treat folks kindly, and even stay in touch as friends after experiences that are not ‘relationship’ oriented.
Is the app economical?
$29.99 for 3 months is the Majestic level, and it is definitely worth it.
Does the app allow me to share photos and text normally?
Yes, it does, you can edit your recently sent text if you see typos, and it is not restrictive about the size of the photo or type of photo (within reason).
Is the app glitchy? If so, how?
Sometimes it is. Sometimes you have to close it and re-open it. But nothing seems to get ‘lost’ when you do that, and it has not created any other issues.
Overall satisfaction rating 1 (UGH) – 10 (YES!)
Absolutely a 10.
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