The difference between right and wrong is the ability to write about yourself on an app, instead of just saying “Still figuring it out.”
There is a right way of introducing yourself online when you are using apps or dating sites, and that means that conversely there is a wrong way also!
You may be thinking, “Well, of course!” but we all default to the wrong way from time to time, without even realizing it.
Getting started.
Frequently people ask me how to write a Tinder or Feeld profile to maximize the potential to meet the people who may be best suited to them, and I always start by asking three questions:
- Who are you?
- What do you like?
- What are you seeking/wanting?
These are some of the hardest questions for people to really articulate the answers to, because we all find it hard to talk about who we are, what we like, and what we want. It feels uncomfortable sometimes, but what one needs to realize is that this is the basis of all great communication between potential partners.
Let’s take them one at a time:
Who are you?
Examples of what not to say (although many do!): “I am a 44 year old who is bi-curious, who has a lust for life, travel and great food, and is great at oral.”
But what does that really tell someone about you? Not a lot!
A better example might be: “I am a 44 year old, with an open heart for exploration. I am bi-curious, but also interested in where you are in your journey, and excited to seek adventure with a trusted partner who enjoys new experiences beyond our great meals and travel.
I love to talk about our fantasies and see how we can bring pleasure to each other, while also verbally sparring about world politics, new bands and the latest fascinating scientific discoveries on our human horizon of evolution. I will want to please you, so please be an open communicator so we can learn what each other loves in the bedroom and beyond.”
“Expand your thoughts instead, and really tell someone what you like…”
Examples of what not to say (although many do!):
“If you don’t know your way around my anatomy, swipe left now! Words of affirmation are my love language.”
Expand your thoughts and instead really tell someone what you like:
“I love to be with a person who is curious about the world, talks to me endlessly about fascinating topics, watches football with me before we go out dancing. I love to spend my days off by getting all the chores done, then spending the rest of the day chilling in bed with a bottle of wine, a great movie, and slow-building passion – I won’t shame us for wanting pizza too. I love walking my dog, cooking new recipes and talking for hours on the phone when we are not together. I love words of affirmation, a partner with great communication skills who would rather compromise than fight, and who wants to never go to bed angry.”
“Try to really talk to the people who are viewing you…”
What are you seeking/wanting?
Examples of what not to say: “I’m looking for someone to attend concerts with. I’m looking for someone special to ignite those fires.”
EVERYONE IS, SILLY!
Instead, try to really talk to the people who are viewing you, because if they didn’t swipe left already, they are curious!
“I am looking for a partner or friend who can be serene in the easy silence, spending rainy days in bed reading, understands that I have a job which requires me to travel, but who should know that when I am home, I am one hundred percent focused on us. I love stimulating conversations over wine, where we end up a little drunk, because losing control together is its own form of intimacy. I love when we explore new places, or even take it up a notch and go skydiving, because adrenaline is a rush. I am looking for someone who has those same inner drumbeats, is forward in bed, owning their own sexuality, and who is brave in life.”
When you are more comfortable presenting yourself this way, you stand a better chance of finding people who really connect with you, and weeding out the people who don’t like the things you are talking about- which is exactly what you want to have happen.
You should be less concerned with seeking ‘long term, short term’, and more focused on seeking the best fit for you, because you are worth it!
The Question:
What are some ways I can give a better blowjob? I always feel awkward that I am not doing enough.
The Answer:
First of all, enjoy it authentically. Love it like you love ice cream. Licking every bit as if you didn’t want any of it to melt and drip off your cone. Enthusiasm which is slow and deliberate is a hot visual and makes your partner realize that you are not ‘doing a job’.
Next, see it as the whole game, not just the starter. There doesn’t need to be an end to the blowjob: it is not a timed event. Your partner will stop you if he wishes the action to change. Otherwise, let him know he can enjoy it as long as he wishes.
Pointers listed below are from polling men who were willing to share:
>Lots of saliva. If this is not your natural game, grab some Flintts Mints and you will be salivating for that tasty treat between his legs. We sell them in the shop in 6 strengths and flavors.
>The ability to deep-throat. There are some tricks if this is something you would like to do, but don’t feel confident about. You can use ProBlow (also available in our shop) to desensitize your throat/gag reflex a bit. You can also use positioning: simply lay on your back on the bed and drop your head backwards a bit over the edge. Open your mouth. He will stand above you and enter your mouth. This is a way to open your throat to accommodate more length.
> Practice with a soft real-skin dildo, like one by Au Naturel. We carry a wide range, and the best way to condition yourself is to practice with one similar to the size you are trying to accommodate.
